The Horrible Wrath of...



An "artist's" conception of the Space Prussians Heinz-57, Stalag-17, and Oberheim-8. About halfway through the painting, we discovered that he was an escaped Abstract Cubist from the local "art" school. Before he could finish the clothes, he mysteriously died from an overdose of paint thinner fumes. It seems the poor soul accidentaly locked himself into a large bell jar and covered himself with rags soaked in solvent. We here at Governmentology are saddened by his untimely demise. You should have seen the finished sketches, though, they were quite... spectacular. 

Article By: The Reverend Lester Notdurft

Indeed, the cold void of deep space does strange things to the soul. Those of you who have read the terrible Governmentology End(tm)Time scriptures know of the Raumpreusisch (Space Prussians) and their quest to reconquer Earth. Understand that they are a vastly superior race of Aryan superbeings and, as such, must be respected as such. Since the first time the Space Prussians clairvoyently "beeped" me after the 1988 Pfingsten in Hannover, I have been in constant contact with their leader, Heinz-57 and his second in command, Oberheim-8.

They tell me a most interesting story. It seems as though the Space Prussians have moved beyond our concept of Aryanism, to a greater Galactic Aryanism. Instead of having blue eyes and blond hair, the Space Prussians have blue skin, blond eyes, and white hair. Unfotunately their fleet of V-2 rockets had little in the way of radiation shielding, as it hadn't been invented yet. This is mostly due to the bizarre mutations they have undergone from cosmic radiation, but also due to choice as well. You see, the Space Prussians are a little eccentric as far as bloodthirsty superhumans go. Actually, all those years of roaming the freezing depths of outer space and exterminating whole alien species have left them, well, a little worse for wear.

There is nothing to fear, however. Little separates us from the Space Prussians other than a lifetime of Nazi indoctrination, a few billion rads of cosmic rays, and a freakish menagerie of scary psychic powers. The hostile xenophobia of the Space Prussians certainly isn’t their fault. When one considers the early encounter with the sado-masochistic alien drug fiends and the 50 plus years they have spent in the dark crevices of the cosmos, it is amazing that they aren’t even more violent and deranged. They have had many, many years to think about the horrible crimes they have committed across the galaxy. Heinz-57 and Oberheim-8 assure me that no such fate will befall Earth. That is, unless we offer any resistance or look "askance" at them. Another of the group, Stalag-17, has expressed some reservations in the idea of returning to Earth. Since the dissolution of Prussia and the discrediting of National-Socialist doctrine, many of the Space Prussians feel "alienated" by us earthlings. They have spoken about a plan, a scheme to coerce the collective human mindset into seeing things their way. This bold undertaking involves using stolen alien technology to resurrect Kaiser Wilhelm II from the grave and place him at the head of a world wide energy concern. They also mentioned something about replacing oil with human blood as the world’s prime energy source, but we’ll get into that later. The point is that the Space Prussians are our friends, although their motives are bound to be misunderstood by certain inferior vict... uh... humans.

Already the church has benefited from our contact with Heinz-57 and his crew. The Space Prussians have shared their advanced mental techniques with us, allowing Governmentology to unlock the secrets of the clairvoyant beeper, the telekinetic drive-by, and the psychic pimp-slap. These small talents are more than humanity has seen in over 10,000 years of spiritualism, but represent a measly collection of parlor tricks to the Space Prussians. Hauptmann Oberheim-8 alone has enough mental "juice" to cause the sun to extinguish itself. Despite my insistence, he refuses to tell me exactly how he could accomplish such an amazing feat... He simply says that he can.

My point is this: You think you El Bado Asso slangin', bangin', and roamin' tha hood wit yo' nine? Them Space Prussians gots yo' ass beat, boy! You best run and hiiiiide when them blue folks bring back dat ole Kaiser Bill! 'Cause he be riiisin' from da grave ta STOMP YO' ASS. He gots a BIG ASS SPIKED HELMET! HE BE BUSTIN' BIG ASS SPACE CAPS! YEAAAH, BOYEEE! Kaiser Bill the man, homey. If you don't be ridin' with tha Kaiser, then yo' ass gonna be ridin' UNDERNEATH tha Kaiser... Know what I'm sayin'? As his lil' HUMAN BITCH-ASS GAAAAS TANK! So you's best be representin' Gubmentology n' givin' it up for Kaiser Bill and shit, boyeee, 'cause we ain't playin'.

In other words, don't be one of the stupid ones who face the Horrible Wrath of the Space Prussians. They're not the kind of deranged alien menace you want to play around with. Join Governmentology now and we will protect you from their unearthly anger. The Reverend Doctor Automechanic and myself have reached a business arrangement with Heinz-57, Oberheim-8, and Stalag-17. In exchange for our help in "spreading the word", they have agreed to cut Governmentologists in on the soon-to-be lucrative human blood trade and soul market. They have sworn that no Governmentologists will be harmed in their act of raising the dead Kaiser from his grave. Email Governmentology now for information on how YOU can enlist on the winning side in the great Space Prussian reconquest of Earth. We don't care who you happen to be, what race, sex, or ethnicity you are- so long as you're willing to check your conscience at the door and "just follow orders".

So grab your spiked helmet and don your blue body paint. Sign up with Governmentology now and fight the good fight for Kaiser Bill. You'll be traveling the cosmos, enjoying the Kameradschaft of the Space Prussians, harvesting blood and souls for the good of Governmentology, and getting yo' freak on wit some fly alien bitches. Heinz-57 tells me that the chicks really dig fat, mutated Germans with blue skin and spiked helmets. Well, you could always just lie about the German part...